WHEN PARENTS SAY HURTFUL THINGS...SAY FUCK YOU! LOL SERIOUSLY

I just had a horrible argument with my dad, well it wasn't even an argument! more like a verbal fight lol smh. My dad is in his 60s, he's very ill and frail, extremely paranoid and neurotic, plus he's already showing signs of alzheimer. We're going through a crazy financial crisis right now and there're a lot of documents involved, he thinks he puts it in one place and when he goes to retrieve it and it's not there, he immediately blames me, my brother or mother. I've been puting up with this for a year now and it has taken a major toll on me contributing to constant fatigue, weight gain, migraine, etc. So tonight was no different, he said I'm messing with his mind, yada yada yada, but then he added "you fucking bitch!"....I flipped and cursed at my father for the very first time, repeatedly.

I never even cursed at my mother and don't even know if my father heard me cursed before, but I did and it actually felt good, not the cursing, but that I finally got to express how I really feel about him. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad to death, but he's so unlikable, especially when he got sick; he's extremely ungrateful to those who care for him, it's just sickening and my mother is such a strong woman I have the deepest admiration for her to be putting up with it like it's nothing. Anyways, usually when these heated arguments come up, I start yelling at him explaining everything I do for him and start balling, but I was actual very calm when he burst on me like that - obviously till he called me a bitch - and didn't even cry, not even tears of anger and I think I know why.

I've been reading Thich Nhat Hanh's "The Heart of Buddha's Teachings", and he says to acknowledge your emotions, don't ignore them, basically say hello lol. When these verbal fights erupted, obviously I didn't want to curse out my dad because he's my dad, I'm in his house and that's disrespectful, but I didn't want to be respectful this time so I yelled at him just like I would at anyone else he came at me like that for no good reason.

I'm not even heated right now, surprisingly enough I'm tranquil. So lesson of the day: when parents say hurtful things, say fuck you!! But ONLY if they're COMPLETELY in the wrong :-)


xoxo