MR. SANDMAN ALWAYS BRINGS ME A DREAM

It's funny when people say they don't remember their dreams, sometimes I think they're lying and it boggles me how they don't really care to remember them in the first place (earth signs probably). Dreams are so amazing to me, it's like you're entered into another dimension.

My dreams are always like wtfs; since I always get lost into tv shows, books, and movies, they seem to make their way into my dreams. Have you've ever noticed that - not what I just wrote in particular - the past day events usually are projected into your dreams? Or when you have a dream where there's something or someone specific always there. Or even more eerie, a dream where you remember every little thing to the point where you think for a sec that maybe it wasn't a dream because it seemed so real. I hate those.

I used to have a repetitive dream of a wolf back in my teens, it wasn't the exact same dream, just that it involved a wolf. It got to the point where I said to myself this has to mean something important to me and when I finally got it interpreted the wolf symbolized me I couldn't believe it.

I also had this dream I'll never forget, it was on January 1st, 2010, I was in a car with someone driving on a road in the middle of a desert, and there was someone in a car behind us so for some reason we were going to drive back from where we came, but the road was completely different, it wasn't smooth as before but with potholes and just bumpy, and the guy that was in the car behind said "you can't turn back, you always have to move forward". Great dream.

somewhat similar to the dream 

I've also had a dream where I felt so happy and free, was a feeling I never really experienced before and I was in the country just running, spinning, and just enjoying every minute of it and I remember I was in a middle of a wheat field or whatever and took a deep deep breath and just gazing at the sky. That was a bit of heaven for me.

WHEN PARENTS SAY HURTFUL THINGS...SAY FUCK YOU! LOL SERIOUSLY

I just had a horrible argument with my dad, well it wasn't even an argument! more like a verbal fight lol smh. My dad is in his 60s, he's very ill and frail, extremely paranoid and neurotic, plus he's already showing signs of alzheimer. We're going through a crazy financial crisis right now and there're a lot of documents involved, he thinks he puts it in one place and when he goes to retrieve it and it's not there, he immediately blames me, my brother or mother. I've been puting up with this for a year now and it has taken a major toll on me contributing to constant fatigue, weight gain, migraine, etc. So tonight was no different, he said I'm messing with his mind, yada yada yada, but then he added "you fucking bitch!"....I flipped and cursed at my father for the very first time, repeatedly.

I never even cursed at my mother and don't even know if my father heard me cursed before, but I did and it actually felt good, not the cursing, but that I finally got to express how I really feel about him. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad to death, but he's so unlikable, especially when he got sick; he's extremely ungrateful to those who care for him, it's just sickening and my mother is such a strong woman I have the deepest admiration for her to be putting up with it like it's nothing. Anyways, usually when these heated arguments come up, I start yelling at him explaining everything I do for him and start balling, but I was actual very calm when he burst on me like that - obviously till he called me a bitch - and didn't even cry, not even tears of anger and I think I know why.

I've been reading Thich Nhat Hanh's "The Heart of Buddha's Teachings", and he says to acknowledge your emotions, don't ignore them, basically say hello lol. When these verbal fights erupted, obviously I didn't want to curse out my dad because he's my dad, I'm in his house and that's disrespectful, but I didn't want to be respectful this time so I yelled at him just like I would at anyone else he came at me like that for no good reason.

I'm not even heated right now, surprisingly enough I'm tranquil. So lesson of the day: when parents say hurtful things, say fuck you!! But ONLY if they're COMPLETELY in the wrong :-)


xoxo